A little something I found in my draft folder, written prior to Christmas. Applicable to Valentine’s Day. How convenient, cause I’m pretty much void of any comprehensible thought, wit, or wisdom today. Here we go:
Instructions for shopping at a bookstore when you don’t read to begin with (and I’m assuming you are trying to be cool and buy your bookish friends/family something for the holidays [uh, Valentine's Day that is]; a noble cause but just get a damn gift card):
1. Just get a damn gift card.
2. Get the fuck out of my way. This is a bookstore, dammit, not Wal Mart.
3. Look! Over there, it’s the magazines. At the end of the Romance aisle. You belong there. And there.
4. Uh, seriously, no one likes “coffee table” books. No one.
5. Coffee. Is that coffee? Go over there and sit. Don’t talk. Just sit. Maybe read a magazine. Or a Romance.
6. Now, exit the store. Go to Wal Mart. Go on, you deserve it. (But please don’t buy the shitty chocolates there for your reader friend/spouse/lover. You should have a least bought Godiva at the B&N. God, what a loser you are.)
Don’t hate me. It’s just that I’m too nice in real life. I have to get the sarcasm out somehow. And why am I capitalizing Romance?